Teachers

Summerdown Comp has merged with a rival school into Wattkins Comprehensive, and a ""us and them"" divide between staff and pupils. Bob starts a vendetta against his new boss Ewan, only to be humiliated. Claire, on the other hand, does everything she can to get Ewan's attention. The other newcomers, the cynical Damien and hypochondriac Ben, meanwhile, are labelled standoffish by Lindsay and Penny as they resist friendly gestures.

Penny is upset after a failed pass at Ewan, but she is soon chatted up by a librarian. Her colleagues learn that he is actually a pupil, but Lindsay is loathe to tell Penny. Bob faces rejection as he searches for a Thai mail order bride, while Ben changes his views of the aged after visiting a group of pensioners on Age Awareness Day.

During Gay & Lesbian Awareness Week, Ewan panics when a pupil develops a crush on him. Ben is attracted to Sarah from The Advisory Group, Claire is fascinated by a lesbian's behaviour, Liz worries that daughter Kayla is gay, and Lindsay is upset when she's told she'd make a good lesbian.

Bob has a vasectomy to prepare for the arrival of his mail order bride. Meanwhile, Claire informs Lindsay that she must lose weight, as it is Obesity Awareness Week. Penny gets dumped by pupil Anthony, who would prefer to concentrate on his schoolwork.

The teachers are excited by the arrival of Bob's new wife Ping, from Thailand. However they soon discover she is a misery who refuses to have sex. Meanwhile, it's the school's Religious Tolerance Week, resulting in a war between the pupils, and Ben is provoked to go to search for inner peace.

The staff learn that Penny's surname is really Eichmann, and they immediately suspect her to be a Nazi - and she does lots of things to arouse their suspicions. During Race Awareness Week, Bob pretends that he is having lots of sex with his new wife, Ping. However in reality the only one Ping seems to be interested in is Ewan.

Damien proudly declares he doesn't need a girlfriend to complete his life - however he changes his mind when he sets eyes on supply teacher Anna. But his inflamed ardour is cooled after an unfortunate incident with an icing bag. Bob is still having problems with his wife, who refuses to give him sex and constantly abuses him.

Bob is planning his stag night in Dublin, but Ben insists he can't come- a ouija board predicted he would die the day before- and to ensure going to heaven, he converts to all religions for half a day each. Meanwhile, Penny tries to avoid getting into trouble for having an affair with pupil Anthony.

A severe female Inspector arrives to the school - with the classrooms in a mess from the Christmas Party the day before. Clare's plan of action - involving dinner ladies and fake pupils - fails and Ewan must seduce the Inspector to save the day. Bob prepares for the marriage ceremony - taking place in the playground, and featuring an igloo a sleigh, and Ben as the best men, with a reluctant Ping as a bride.